I bought my plane tickets about three months out from when I actually planned to leave. I did this to get a cheaper price. I paid under 1,000 dollars for a round trip ticket. However with a cheap prices comes a few drawbacks. I had two flights one from Charlotte to Newark and then from Newark to Sao Paulo, my final destination. My Flight to Newark left from Charlotte at 6:05am. I did not consider this when I bought the ticket. I got home after taking my final exam and moving all of my stuff out of my apartment, and had about three hours of sleep. then my family loaded into the car with my stuff to drive to Charlotte. The upside of being at the airport at the buttcrack of dawn is that, no one else is there so security goes smoothly. The downside is that you are at an airport at the butt crack of dawn.
I arrived at Newark at 8:05am. I then had a 14 hour layover. For those of you who don't know Newark Airport, it is a congealing puss bubble on the open infected blister that is Newark. I had the pleasure of spending 14 hours in forced captivity at this airport. My Flight was over 14 hours aways so the airport would not send my checked luggage straight to my final destination. I spent the better part of 6 hours with all my luggage, contemplating the difficulty of my dietary restrictions in a place like Newark. I had called my Mom to tell her that I had landed safely in Newark. For Mothers Day I had planned to write my mom a letter and then hand it to her at the airport in Charlotte. Not only had I forgotten to hand her the letter at the airport but I had forgotten to write the letter. In truth I was trying to have the phone call makeup for my lack of a mother's day letter.
While I was sitting in the food court, talking to my mother, I saw out of the corner of my eye what looked like a bird fly bye. At first I couldn't process what had just happened. Then to all my amazement and horror a small sparrow hopped up to me in all its flea, dust, and dirt ridden glory. I could have vomited right there in the airport food court. Now don't get me wrong I love the critters of the earth. I have let bees lick the sweat from my arm and spent hours digging for worms, but I am also a firm believer in Louis Pasteur and his controversial Germ Theory. It wasn't just that the bird had gotten into the building but it was nesting in the roof above the food court, along with the pigeons and bubonic plague. That was the defining moment when I decided if I were to ever be king of the world I would erase Newark of the map and start over from scratch.
Despite not enjoying planes or airports I have a fair amount of experience with airport security. However something in the air at the security checkpoint in Newark turns everyone in the line into a bumbling, fumbling, incompetent pile of mush, including myself. I had to go through the full body scanners and they must have detected the overly high iron content in my blood because they were marking place on my body that didn't even have clothes on them, like my hands and feet and exposed legs.Newark airport also has a grand total of five power outlets for the entire complex and their internet is behind a ridiculous paywall.
I decided that in the bleak hellscape that is Newark airport I should practice working through my discomfort. I would have similar challenges in Brazil. I needed to find ways to cope with this, in a fairly controlled and safe environment. I often tell my friends when they are going through a stressful time that the problem is an opportunity to practice zen presence. I often do this just to poke fun but here was an opportunity to practice what I preach. I tried to be present in my discomfort, to see what was bothering me and how it was affecting me. Once I gained some composer I would start analysing my issues.
A deeply close friend of mine Stiles rader says that she knows I am really uncomfortable when I start philosophizing. This is a deep truth philosophy is a safety blanket of sorts for me. It gives me a sense of control over the situation.
However, control was the exact problem that was making me worry. Control is the reason I was stressed about Brazil, and the reason I hate planes, and airports, and bureaucracies, and crowds. All of these things require me to turnover my control to forces outside of myself. They poke at my deep existential fear of the arbitrary. I hate planes because I have no control over them, and I am of arbitrary importance to them. I was worried about Brazil because it had gained a life of its own it was set in motion and when I passed the event horizon I no longer had control over what would happen. I needed to stop analysing, and simply be present.
I found myself repeating a mantra in my head, "This is okay, where I am is okay, I am okay", "I am okay, this is okay". I felt like I was sitting on a rock surrounded by rapids. I had to become aware of the warm sun on my back and the safety of the rock before I could swim through the rapids. It was okay, where I was, was okay, I was okay. I spent about four hours practicing I found that walking helped the best, not with any destination in mind, just moving. Then I boarded a plane for brazil. I felt ready, I was still worried but I was processing my worry different. It wasn't, bad but there. I was reminded of a quote from my favorite Youtuber, comedian, and amature philospher Zefrank1. He has a quote that says, "we must teach our kids that the world is mostly safe". That is not to say that the world is without danger, real and serious danger but how we react to this danger is important. The world is mostly safe, This is okay, where I am is okay, I am okay. Phase Two was complete.
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